My Light in Dark Times

I’ve decided to start this blog to share my experiences as a single father with a beautiful little daughter. I am hoping that if you are reading this you can find encouragement and know that you aren’t alone as a single parent, or as a married parent struggling. I haven’t always been a single dad. It all started roughly 9 months ago when my wife and I decided to separate. That is where my spiritual journey as a Father really began. I am not going to go into details as to why we chose to separate, instead i want to focus on what got me to this point now. Roughly 9 months ago I was in a place in my life where everything was like a literal train wreck. I felt like nothing was going right and my whole world was crashing. I was losing the woman who I thought was my soul mate. How could I be a “good” father when I couldn’t even keep my wife. A few months after my wife had moved out I still found myself feeling lonely and like I had an empty spot in my heart to that needed to be filled. So I found myself scoping out women and looking for what I thought would make me happy. Quick disclaimer… At this point you may ask yourself why I had given up on my wife and already started to move on. The answer to that is this… She had found her happiness with someone else and I was no longer anything to her but her daughters father. Now back to the topic. It didn’t take too long for me to find a beautiful woman that could “fill” that empty spot and things could be normal again. Or so I thought. Things started out good and slow. But after a few months the honeymoon stage of our new relationship had faded and I realized on my drive home one night that I still had that empty feeling inside. I was confused, I thought that finding someone else was the answer. I questioned myself at this point. Why can’t I feel love? Why was I not good enough? What am I doing wrong? Am I the problem? Am I going to end up alone? So many questions of self-doubt and depressing thoughts running through my mind. All while the answer to all of my problems was sitting right in front of me every single day at the dinner table. It was then, 4-5 months after my wife had left, that I realized where my happiness was and how I was going to fill my emptiness. In my darkest time in life the only Light I had in my life was a little baby girl named Raelynn. This is where my spiritual journey began and I stopped trying to control everything on my own. I was reminded of Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path.” I had turned away from God and tried to solve my problems on my own. You may wonder how my daughter comes into play with this… Ever since she was born I have called her “my little Rae of sunshine”. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on. She is always smiling and bringing joy to everyone she is around. One evening I was holding her as she was passed out in my arms. Her body relaxed and calm, her face peaceful and content, and her small breaths hitting my neck every few seconds. This little baby was my “light” in dark times. I realized that I needed to lean on my heavenly Father, and I needed to change the way I was living my life if I really wanted to find happiness and fill that empty void. So I made it a point to start attending church regularly. We started to surround ourselves with people who had the same interest at heart. Jump ahead 9 months and I am here. I am happier than I have been in a long time. And I can’t give credit to anyone but God for healing a broken heart and making me whole. I am growing every single day as a Father and as a Follower of Christ. I have seen so much change in my life and in my daughter’s life since I made this change in lifestyle. I am not saying it hasn’t been tough at times because it has. This is where God comes into play. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says this “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” So I ask you this.. Are you struggling with a broken or empty heart? Are you looking for answers that seem impossible? Are you a single parent who wonders if you’ll make it? The answer is up to you, are you willing to let go of the ways of this world to let God take control of your life? He is the only way to be truly happy in life. Without his LOVE we can’t feel whole. So please join me as I take this blog and use it to share stories of how God has used my little Rae of Sunshine to mold me into a Man, a Father, and most importantly a Follower.

PRAYERS PLEASE!

Hello all! It has been a while since I’ve posted due to a busy month. I will be sharing some stories from Rae and I’s vacation to Colorado with family soon so please stay tuned for that. 

Sadly this is not why I am posting today. Over this past weekend tragedy struck a family close to our hearts and they lost a beautiful little girl. This is something that I cannot even imagine dealing with. Many of my readers are parents and as parents sometimes we need to pull together in moments like this. The heartache and pain that this family is going to have to deal with is hard. I am writing you all and asking you to please say prayers for this family and keep them in your thoughts as they go through this. There is also a GoFundme set up to help them with things. If you have the means and feel like you can, please help them so they don’t have to stress financially. The link is posted below. Thank you for your prayers and help. God Bless

https://www.gofundme.com/baby-scarletts-funeral-cost

 

To the Mothers

It’s Mother’s Day! I have been thinking about this post for days now because it’s a very important one to me. My stuff is mainly about father and daughter things because that’s what I know. With that being said this post is a thank you. Up until 2 years ago I thought I really knew what Mother’s Day was about. I think parenthood has really taught me A LOT more than I could have learned from people talking to me. So to my mom, thank you for giving birth to us and giving us the opportunity to shine through you. Thank you for every sacrifice you made so Derek and I could be happy. Thank you for not sleeping so We could sleep all night. Thank you for yelling at refs because they didn’t know what they were doing. I could thank you for a million things but it still wouldn’t pay you back for all you’ve done! We love you and you did the best job being our mother! You need celebrated every day of the year!  You showed us what a Mothers love is and means. 

To any other Mother reading this. Happy Mother’s Day to you. You may not feel like you are doing a good job, but I can assure you that as long as you are loving your child and putting them first, then you are doing an AMAZING job. Today is a day to celebrate and thank the most influential women in our lives.  I look up to you Mothers! You carry children in your tummies for months. Some while you carry around other children. You don’t sleep near enough, but you can still get up and mom. You heal boo boos with a single super power kiss. You cook meals that could win iron chef. You somehow transport multiple kids to different locations, miles apart from each other and they are still on time somehow?? You threaten anyone who may hurt or offend your child. You don’t miss a beat. God has given us. YOU. A blessing. A rock. A comfort. Thank you for the countless things you do for your kids! 

2 years ago I became a parent. I learned that it isn’t easy. Now I truly understand how much my mother and father have done for me. I’ll never be able to repay them. I will however love their grandbaby and show her the love that they showed me so much of. They have taught me what it is to love and to sacrifice. 

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! To every single mom out there! We love you!!!!


Hello there! It’s been a while since I have posted anything! It’s been a busy few months for us. With that said thank you for joining us once again! Here goes nothing:) 

One of the many definitions of Feminine per dictionary.com is “having qualities traditionally ascribed to women, as sensitivity or gentleness.”  This is exactly what I was looking for when thinking about my topic. Something I have been working on lately has been balancing out the amount of Feminine things I do with Rae and the amount of “guy” things we do. This in some ways has been a challenge for me. Being a man I’ve always had a more rough and rugged type approach to things. But being a father to a little girl has taught me that I need to be more open to sensitivity and gentleness. This has in some ways come more naturally than I would have expected, and maybe that’s because she is my daughter and I have a really soft spot in my heart for her. As she has gotten older I’ve noticed a lot of things changing and her personality really starting to blossom. Just this week she took interest in helping me mow, working on the cars, and building things for our house. She loves to help her daddy do “manly” things but she also has that sweet feminine side to her:) This really made me think about how I need to balance both of these to help her become a strong, independent, beautiful woman one day. It’s okay for her to dress pretty and feel beautiful. It’s also okay for her to get her hands dirty working. That to me is what will make her the most beautiful woman one day. She has taught me to be gentle and to be sensitive. And I will teach her to be her own woman. That she doesn’t need a man to take care of her. She is perfect! That’s all for now. Thank you for reading and hopefully I’ll be able to write more now that things have settle down! 

The Feminine Father

We are back! Sorry its been a while. We have had a busy few weeks. The picture quality is kind of bad but this is the perfect picture to go with what I had on my mind today. In the picture my sweet baby is wearing her peppa pig hat backwards just like daddy wears his hats. I tried to put it on the right way but she wanted to do it like daddy. I’ve seen this more and more lately in so many ways. She wants to do what daddy does just how he does it! This made me think about the example I was setting for her. Raelynn picks up on every little thing from the way she brushes her teeth to how she shares her stuff. I’ve had to take a step back and think about what I am doing to influence her and her life. What kind of example am I setting to ensure that my daughter will feel her fathers love and see what a father is supposed to be. Luckily, we have the Bible that defines what responsibilities a real Father should carry out. . Not only out of duty, but also out of honor and joy. There are so many examples of God showing us how to be a Father in the bible. God PROVIDES for us. We see this in Philippians 4:19 “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Like this we as parents have a duty to provide for our children as best as we can. We aren’t perfect by any means but as long as we put our kids first and show them Gods love we will provide what they need spiritually. God PROTECTS us! Matthew 10:29-31 “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefor; you are of more value than many sparrows.” This speaks big to my heart. Protection is one of the things that our children need most in life. They need to feel safe and protected against anything when they are with us. That is our responsibility and one that we should take more serious than anything. We have to protect our kids both physically and spiritually. God ENCOURAGES us! Psalm 10:17 “O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear.”  Encouragement plays such a big factor in how we raise our kids. Every time Raelynn does something new or reaches some kind of milestone, I have to remember to encourage her and praise her for her accomplishments. But more importantly I also need to remember to encourage her when she fails. Because no matter if she fails or wins in a situation she will look to her daddy for encouragement and support. Just like God encourages us even though we fail Him in so many ways. God COMFORTS us! 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  Every time Rae gets hurt or sad she comes to daddy for comfort. She reaches up for us to hold and comfort her. These are the times when she needs to feel safe and loved. Just like when we are hurting and reaching out for God, He is always there to comfort us when we need Him the most. If we can be strive to be more like God the Father and live our lives in His footsteps than we can be everything that our kids need and more. Our priorities should be leading our lives as an example of how God loves us so we can love our children just as He loves us. This can be hard sometimes when life gets messy. But God will always make a way if you let Him. Have an amazing day and lets be THE EXAMPLE!

Example 

Potters Hands

The video above is something that I have watched over and over! Over the past couple of months my family and I have been working with Rae to say a prayer for dinner and every night before she goes to bed. I haven’t had my phone out to capture it until recently and I am so glad I was able to catch it. This is a perfect example of molding and shaping our children to be God-loving as they grow older. I’ve titled this potters hands because in the same way a potter molds and shapes his/her clay we as parents have a huge impact on the way our children will be molded into young men and women one day. They are going to grow up to be what we shape them to be in life. We, in a literal sense, are Gods pottery. God shaped us all to be what he wanted us to be just as the potter does his pottery.  We are all humans, a word that is akin to the term humus, meaning earth or clay. The apostle Paul referred to our bodies as “jars of clay” (2 Corinthians 4:7). I like to look at my role as a father to be similar to how a potter will take something like glob of clay and shape it into something beautiful and unique. I want to be the kind of father that creates a sense of beauty and uniqueness in my daughter’s life. When she grows up over the years I want her to understand that she is beautiful because of who she is! What would happen if we were to just put that glob of clay onto a potter’s wheel and let is spin freely? The end result would end up in a mess of clay that would take a lot of work to put back together. I look at her life in the same way. If I am careless and don’t do my very best to help her shape into a beautiful soul she will have pieces of herself that feel lost or not there, and it will take a lot of work to try to mend that brokenness. Every single day I see this beautiful little baby that God blessed us with and I can see her shaping into something so so beautiful! Just as God has spent our entire lives molding and shaping us through our experiences in life we have an opportunity to do the same for our kids. We have an opportunity to take the lessons from our past whether good or bad and to make them benefit the way that our kids will grow up. Be gentle, be kind, be patient, be smart, and most of all be the LOVE behind the pottery. Don’t let anything bring you down because God has shaped you to be the best parent for that child! “Your hands have made me and fashioned me . . .  You have made me like clay” (Job 10:8-9) If you need prayer, or just need to talk send me an email under the contact section and I will be there. Thank you for your time today. Lets go be Potters for our children.

Pigtails and Pony Buns! 

Pigtails and Pony Buns! A pony bun is probably normally just called a bun, but when this dad does it its because i’m dealing with an almost 2 year old that doesn’t wanna sit there for the entire pony tail. Therefore I quickly rubber band that would be pony tail into a cute little Pony Bun! When Rae was first born doing her hair was not one of those things I really thought out much. I was more concerned with how to change a diaper (which I learned super quick) and making sure she was healthy. At that young newborn age its super easy just to bundle a small group of hairs and put up a cindy loo who hairstyle! But over the last 3-4 months this little baby girls hair has really been a game changer. I don’t think I have ever struggled so much with something so “simple” in my entire life. Partly because I am a perfectionist with some things and every single time I tried to do pigtails they ended up way off center and uneven. And also because the most I have ever had to do to my hair is wash it and comb it. So for a good month straight I gave up and did the single top of the head cindy loo who thing. I did this because it was what I was familiar with and good at. But I knew the day would come where this just wouldn’t be acceptable anymore. So one day while I was sitting at home browsing YouTube, I started looking up how to do hair. And BOOM! Daddy became an expert hair guy. Not really though, but I did learn things about doing pigtails and hair that I never would have thought about to make it so much easier. The next day when it came time to do Raelynns hair, I knew I was going to have to face my fears. So before she was awake I gathered up all of my hair gear(brush, blow dryer, 4 rubber bands, and a small 8 oz water bottle) and I laid it out on my counter so I wouldn’t be caught off guard by anything. Then I watched that pigtail video one more time to refresh just in case I missed something. Needless to say the end result turned out to look so much better than past tries. It wasn’t perfect by any means but she looked really  cute and she was a happy little girl! What I learned from this is that We as parents are not perfect, we don’t always know what we are doing. What we are though are overcomers. We don’t need to give up on things just because we don’t know what we are doing. Especially when it comes to our children. Now one of my favorite things to do in the morning is Raelynns hair. I love getting to try new things with it and she enjoys that time we get playing with her hair. It is something that I am going to miss when she is old enough to do it herself. I hope you all have an amazing day and if any of you know how to do hair please fill me in on the french braid! That one is tough!

Quick update!

This little blog has become more than I thought it would and I appreciate everyone that has taken time to read it! It is still new and there are lots of improvements that will come and make it better and more accessible! So keep the prayers for everyone flowing and lets help each other grow! I look forward to sharing stories of my baby and how being her daddy has effected me! Have a good day and don’t forget to come back and visit:) tomorrow we talk about pigtails and pony buns! Haha

Victim VS. Victor

This topic is more focused on us as parents. It is something that has been running through my mind the last few weeks. The thought came to me when I saw a meme online that read “Don’t live with victim mentality. You were created to rule over circumstances… Not be ruled by them.”  It stuck with me and then everyday I started seeing little examples of this that I otherwise probably would have missed. When we think of the word Victim we generally think of someone who has suffered as a result of someone else’s actions or beliefs, or as a result of unpleasant circumstances. I cannot speak for everyone, but I think it is safe to say most of us have at some point in our life fell into that “Victim” category. Whether it be something as small as our big brother picking on us… Or something that physically changed our lives like an injury. It isn’t a bad thing at all… however, the way in which we recover from falling victim to something is what makes or breaks us. I am willing to bet money that 100% of single parent homes will have a victim involved, and in most cases one or both parents will feel like the victim when in reality the children are the ones that are being effected the most. This topic got to me because if you had asked me 9 months ago where I stood I would have played victim. Why? the victim gets extra attention, love, support, people feeling sorry for you. Not that this is a bad thing. But how do you want to be when it is all said and done? I know that as a father. I want my daughter to look at me and see a Man that doesn’t need to be a victim to be victorious. Victor is defined as a person who has overcome or defeated an adversary. That is what I want my daughter to grow up seeing. I want her to see a dad that overcomes adversaries regardless of what they may be. God says in John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” This world that we live in will without a doubt bring troubles and challenges your way. There will be times where you do not know what to do. Whether you are a single parent or married. The challenges and battles of life will be present. How we handle them is what defines us! Lets be that positive example for our kids. Lets lean on OUR GOD and each other so we can be victorious. You may feel alone but I promise if you seek out God and people who love him you will have the support you need to overcome adversaries. We as a body of Christ are OVERCOMER’S, we are VICTORS, and when we lean on Him and trust in HIM we will NOT fall victim again. We as followers have THE most powerful weapon and that is Gods undeniable LOVE. Please feel free to share this with anyone that you may feel needs it. Lets spread Gods love together and help one another more. If you have any suggestions for me or just want someone to talk to please email me. My email is serjun219@yahoo.com. I am hoping to post daily if time allows it. 

Here are some future topics that I have on my mind, in no particular order. Stay tuned!

  • Potters Hands
  • Heart Beat
  • Feeling Alone
  • Bread of life

Time

Time is one of the most precious gifts that God has given us. Yet so many times we are so focused on the future or our past that we forgot about the now! Now is the time make memories that you can look back on. Now is the time to spend with loved ones because their time could be running out. Now needs to be more focused on because your kids are living in the present! Just recently I was spending the evening at home with my daughter. We had played a little bit and she was pretty content. So I decided I would try to get ahead of myself and do some household chores so I’d have more free time on the weekend. Every time I started to do my thing my daughter would take notice and come grab my hand and pull me closer to whatever she was doing. As I sat there watching her I couldn’t help but feel like I was being selfish with my time. Instead of paying attention to this sweet baby I was focused on me. My stuff could wait for another time, because all the time I have with her is so so precious and I won’t get it back. We need to remember as parents to sometimes slow down our fast paced hectic lives so we can show them the attention and love that they need so much of. This is true in our spiritual walk as well. We see this in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”  With this set of verses we see that there is a time for everything in life! We need to use it wisely and not waste it on things that do not benefit us or our children. Those moments spent playing on the phone while your kid is playing in the room are moments that lost. You won’t get that time back. Lets focus our precious time on the things that matter most. If you do this you will see that every single moment with them is a blessing! From the unheard giggles to the smiles they make at something random they are doing. Those are moments you will never forget. We also need remember to make time for God in our hectic lives. Which sometimes seems impossible, but I promise if you are willing to make the time he will be there listening. He will watch you grow. He will watch you take that first step. He will be there to inspire you to do things you didn’t know were even possible. He will hold your hand when you feel alone. He will protect you when you feel unsafe. He will provide when ends don’t seem like they will meet. He will be your Father if you just give Him the time. Thank you for taking time to read this with so much other stuff you could be doing!